It’s been a year now since she moved on from this plane. I miss the sound of her little paws racing down the hall, coming to greet me whenever I return home. Part of me longs to get another feline companion, yet part of me feels it’s too soon and fears going through the trauma of loss again. They don’t live as long as us and I’m still young enough to out live another furry friend. Maybe I’ll wait until I’m 60 to bring one home again. We’re bound to leave this world together then…or at least I won’t be too far behind. For now though, my heart still aches from the loss and yet longs for the void to be filled. I think I’ll always miss my little buttercup but it’s still too soon for me to move on.
I’ve been reminiscing a lot lately, back to a time, not too long ago, when it was just me, a Moleskine sketchbook, one mechanical pencil and a technical pen. Such simpler moments. A little something I would like to get back to.
My brain has been fried as of late with all that is going on in the world right now. Unable to keep up or keep the chaos in my head straight. I find myself “disconnecting” more. People come to me and say “Did you hear about…” “Have you read about…” “Girl, did you see on…” And I almost feel embarrassed to say “No, I haven’t.” There’s only some much I can attend to. There are only so many things I can give my energy to before I burn out or sink into a depression. It’s difficult to keep creativity flowing with so much turmoil and outrage.
…so I unplug and try to cultivate moments of simplicity and peace before the chaos consumes me.
I’ve realized that my recent desire to return to doing some works in just black ink is my creative spirit expressing this longing for simplicity. I’m gonna just flow with that for a while.
“Deal with difficult things with simple acts. Deal with big things while they are small. Difficult tasks have easy beginnings. Large undertakings begin as small actions.” ~ Daodejing Chp. 63
One small act of picking up a pen and eight years later I’m still doing it. I had stop for quite some time after graduating from college. Resigning myself to the fact that maybe the creative path wasn’t the best course to take in life and settled for something more practical and safe; a desk job at a medical billing company that led to over a decade of administrative work in the healthcare field. But in the winter of 2009, what was innate in me begun to stir again, so I picked up a pen and this drawing came out. It begun as a bunch of circle at first. I hadn’t set out to create anything particular. I just wanted to create something, even if it just turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of stippled circles on a page. But this little creature emerged from a shell. Maybe in some subconscious way it was a symbolic manifestation of my own transformation of slowly embracing what I had become afraid to be…an artist. A lot of internal struggles have been quietly fought and won over the years that make me look back at this drawing and feel thankful that I didn’t try to silent my creative energy that winter in 2009 and allowed myself to begin again.
Lately I’ve been fiddling around in my sketchbook, once again not working on anything thing major. Been kinda longing to get away from working in full color and wanting to do some stuff in just black ink with maybe a splash of color. But I’ve also have found myself wanting to back away from trying to reach some level of photorealism in my work, to not get bogged down in trying to capture every little detail and just loosen the reins a bit on trying to reach perfection. I’m not quite sure if I’m actually achieving that but I have been enjoying doing some small drawings just for fun. I’ve dedicated this week to just playing in my sketchbook. 😊
Welp, here’s another little ACEO piece all complete. As I was nearing the end I found myself feeling a little restless with my style and wanting to do something a little different. What? I’m not quite sure just yet but I see I’m gonna need some time to experiment to figure it out. Maybe it’s just a passing phase or maybe it will lead to something altogether new. I’ll just have to experiment and see. 😊